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Twin Cities Mom Collective

To the Twin Mom in Her First Year

Hello, twin mom. You are in the midst of one of the most demanding but incredible years of your life. I know this because I’ve been there.

The day I gave birth to my beautiful twins was a day that changed me forever. They laid two babies on my chest, and my heart literally felt like it was going to explode. Two babies I had carried for months. Two babies I had hoped were safe despite the high risk pregnancy. Two babies that I prayed would grow big enough inside me so they’d be able to thrive when they came out. Two babies that made me a twin mom.

We made it. I felt their skin against mine and in that moment everything felt absolutely perfect. We were doubly blessed, indeed.

Then reality began to set in. Trying to get them to latch, the tandem feedings. There was talk of both of them needing a feeding tube. I started to feel overwhelmed. I wondered if they were getting enough to eat. I wondered if I would have enough milk for both of them. I wondered how long and how often I should be pumping to build my supply. I wondered about all of this, and so much more.

Little by little, they both made progress, and we got to go home. H-O-M-E. I was mentally and physically exhausted, but so thrilled to finally have my two babies within our four walls. Family came to help. Friends brought meals. People stepped in to support us in so many ways.

The first month could’ve been considered the honeymoon stage. The twins slept much of the day and even though I was awake several times a night to feed both of them, it felt pretty manageable. I would watch them as they slept, simply in awe of my miracle babies.

By the end of that first month, I was completely exhausted. I couldn’t think straight. There was no time for anything except feeding and holding babies. There were times during the day when both of them were crying and I had to choose who I was going to pick up and console, first. My heart ached when I had to leave one baby screaming to tend to the other.

The anxiety heightened whenever my husband had to leave the house because it meant that I was alone with the twins, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep them happy all day long. I had never been so emotionally drained in my life.

After another month, we were given the green light to be able to take them out in public. Thank GOD! I felt so trapped in my house and was eager to get out. I decided I wanted to take them shopping. Then came the realization of all the work it would take to get them dressed in layers, strapped into their car seats, and make the drive across town. I chickened out. Maybe staying home wasn’t so bad, after all.

Months three and four became increasingly difficult. The twins were awake for a good portion of the day and they required constant entertaining. They also hadn’t established a very solid nap schedule yet. I remember laying next to them on the floor, singing and shaking rattles all morning long just to keep the crying to a minimum. Again, I felt horrible that I couldn’t easily hold them both and comfort them the way I would with a single baby.

Finally, around five to six months, I started to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Sleep was a little more consistent. They were able to entertain themselves for a few minutes and they could hold their necks up just enough to allow me to hold them at the same time.

The six month mark was a huge turning point. I finally felt like we were settling into our new normal. The days still felt overwhelming at times, but I didn’t feel completely outnumbered by them. It helped that the smiles and giggles were happening frequently and I started to feel like I was bonding with them. I began to see them as my two little sweethearts instead of twice the work.

The rest of that first year remained full of ups and downs. Teething times two, diaper changes times two, and well visits times two. My sink was constantly filled with an abundance of bottles and the laundry piles even larger. But day by day, we were making progress.

I had finally come to understand what it meant to be a twin mom. I was learning that giving my time to my children is one of the most fulfilling things in life. I was learning that even on the hardest days, I was strong enough to make it to the end. I was learning that I had been chosen and entrusted with two hearts, two souls, and two minds who were born into our family so I could lead them. I was learning that being a twin mom may be one of the most demanding jobs in the world, but that it also reaps the biggest rewards.

So to you, sweet twin mom friend, who is still in that first year. I think about you often. When I see you out at the store I know how much work it took to get there. I know that you are probably terrified of being out and about with two screaming babies, so you’re rushing to get home before the next feeding. I know that you are exhausted. And I know that you likely feel lonely at times when it seems no one else in your circle fully gets what your daily life is like.

Friend, you WILL get through the first year. And when you do, you will look back with awe and wonder and realize just how strong it made you. Get ready to light the candles and CELEBRATE. It’ll be here before you know it. Your twins’ first birthday won’t only be to celebrate them, but to celebrate YOU! YOU, their momma, who loves them more than you ever thought possible. YOU, their momma, who sacrifices your own comfort and conveniences to take care of them. YOU, their momma, who was chosen for them because you are strong and you are able.

You can do this. Hang in there. Yes, twins are double the work. But I promise, twins are also double the fun.

 

Original post published February 2015

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33 comments

Kristen January 15, 2017 at 9:31 PM

My boys will be 10 months tomorrow and it has truly flown by. I have to say, this was spot on for me as I wipe away tears. I have a 3 year old little girl that struggles with having 2 babies to deal with, but she is doing better and I’m proud of her. I do feel alone and very rarely have I ever gone out in public, just us 4. It just seems too difficult, but I know I will wish for these days again some day. I just continue to pray for my little family and know it will get easier. Thank you for this. I really needed it.

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Pallavi February 9, 2017 at 3:32 PM

My twins are 10 mins and the hardest thing has been choosing between them when they are both crying or both want to cuddle at the same time.. everytime i chose one, i feel like i’ve rejected the other!

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Kelly February 25, 2017 at 8:51 AM

Thank you so much for your honest and encouraging post. I’m a twin mom of 6 month old boy/girl twins. I can agree that parenting twins is so rewarding & exhausting. Having to “choose” between them when crying is so hard. No one wants to do that, yet we do because we have to. I’ve learned so much in 6 months and I know that there is so much more to learn. So thankful that people like you are writing to encourage us who are behind you!

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Neha jain August 27, 2017 at 5:11 AM

All u said is so true. I myself have twins and had gone thru this and can easily connect with it..handling alone two running always charged teddy bears in your home is never easy.

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Raelena Bowell September 29, 2017 at 6:31 PM

I am just 9 weeks pregnant with twins and happened to stumble upon this, clearly by Gods direction. This made me cry & feel so so blessed. I cannot imagine the trials and tribulations that lie ahead but I’m saving this to read over and over again.

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T is for Twinning February 19, 2018 at 7:45 AM

This is such a great post! I am currently raising twins who just reached the three month mark, and the author is spot on. Raising my little ones has gotten much easier since the beginning, but there are always times when any twin mom could use a good read. Follow my journey at http://www.t-isfortwinning.com.

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Vanessa November 15, 2018 at 11:45 AM

Everything u said is true. Fortunately, you were able to stay at home. I had so much guilt about coming back to work and putting them in daycare while they were so young. I also have a 9 yr old who is such a big help to me, and a 2yr old. Who is not so much help but a lot of fun. At times with all 3 I feel like I have triplets. LOL! I just always worry that I’m making time for all of them but I also have to understand that I’m only 1 person. Day by day is a miracle because I still don’t see how I’m managing… Me and their Dad are juggling work and home and I feel like we just now are starting 2 get it… My twins are now 7months old. WHOOO! I was so grateful that they were born healthy and were able to come home with me. I know to new moms, it seems impossible at times, but u can do it. Day by day

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Mama lost it January 2, 2019 at 10:15 PM

Last year, while taking the babies and my toddler to visit Santa, I had a random stranger come up to me, smiling, and asked “twins?”. I gave him that fake smile “yup!” (I get that question a lot) he gave me the knowing smile and said “you can do this. I know it feels like you can’t, but you will.” his twins were 19. it was the best unsolicited advice anyone could have given me.

But MY advice to twin moms, don’t compare to your older child. My son was 23 months when my girls were born. Before that, it was him and I. He got 100% of me. Every day. The pregnancies were totally different, the labor and delivery, the breastfeeding, EVERYTHING is different. Also, the girls never got 100% of me. I find myself thinking “when he was this age….” and it’s not fair. Its not fair to my girls, and it’s not fair to me. He was walking earlier, talking earlier, knew more colors earlier. But they shared earlier. And learned to play earlier. Entertain each other earlier. My step daughter has a little girl my girls’ age, (her first child) and she will ask a question about what the girls’ can say, or what they play with, and I usually give her advice from when it was just me and my boy. Because you can’t compare twins with single babies. Its a whole different game.

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Nicole Palmiotto July 14, 2019 at 6:55 PM

This post is EXACTLY what I needed to read. Thank you a million times. The reason I came across this post is because I googled “I’m afraid I’m not getting my 8 month old twins out enough” ☺️

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Brandy September 1, 2021 at 1:52 PM

No one understands how difficult it is to be a parent of twins. The endless comments and questions from strangers can be overwhelming at times. Thank you for your honesty!

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