Twenty-nine was a tough year for me, full of wonderful blessings, but overall quite bumpy. I had a difficult pregnancy, delivery and rough first 6 months with my second baby, little Franny. I’m overjoyed to announce she is a vibrant 2 ½ year old now, happy and oh-so-healthy praise the Lord! However, this took a lot of out me.
At age 29 and 10 months, I experienced my first shock of “age fear.” I had just become a mom of two, I wasn’t this cute, young mom toting around a sweet little baby…I was the frazzled mom schlepping around a kid on one hip and dragging the other by the hand. And I wasn’t myself. I was full time, 100%, no breaks (literally because of my daughter’s health situation) mom. All. The. Time. To add to my age fear, I was hosting Christmas. What? Yeah, like extended family and china serving dishes. This meant I was officially a grown up. We were also shopping for a mini-van. Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my White Stallion, but it was more than an adjustment (possibly even a few tears) to my identity.
I thought turning 30 would be even worse then 29 and 10 mo. There would be no going back; I would never feel like myself again. Well, January came around, along with my birthday. No biggie. It became built up in my mind a little like Y2K back in the day, just to find that the sun still rose and life continued on its beautiful path.
Lo and behold, our family life calmed down. Nights eventually equated to sleeping. We settled into life as a family of 4 and couldn’t remember anything different. My body recovered. Sisters bonded. Husband and I could actually look at each other again for an entire conversation (still short conversations, but it did happen), and I felt me coming back as well.
This January rolled around and I turned 32. I’m realizing how out of sorts I really was during that 29th year. I LOVE my 30’s. (Ok, I’ll admit it…whenever I heard anyone say they love their 30’s, I felt like they were making excuses about being old. HA- guess that one backfired on me.) Really, 30’s are awesome. I feel more like me then ever before. Those little insecurities that I didn’t even know bothered me are disappearing.
I have claimed my 32nd year as The Year of Yes. This doesn’t mean joining groups and activities and filling life with more busy-ness, but being open and available to try out new opportunities and venture into new/old sides of myself. It’s been fun seeing where this has brought me so far. Joining this blog was a “yes” for me. I did some jewelry modeling for a friend (and I get wonky eyes in front of a camera). Husband and I went on a vacation with 3 other couples and no kids. I have a new ownership toward my house and the projects we are attacking. Some new friendships have blossomed because I’ve said “yes.” I have a morning workout date with P90X. I just booked a Bed n Breakfast night away for our 10-year anniversary. We both have a real fear of BnB’s, yet we think it will be a good experience for us. (I’m dragging Husband into The Year of Yes too!)
I’m only 5 months into The Year of Yes, but I already have a new perspective. This switch in mentality has changed me and opened me up to many new experiences, even things as menial as new restaurants (which I have always loved, I guess I just forgot). I think I also forgot how to simply look up from the responsibilities of the daily grind and be Honja. This Year of Yes is allowing me to connect with my whole self again, and the bonus is a year of adventure that follows saying “yes!”
