Sticks and Stones…Break Mommas’ hearts…

One of the hardest transitions for me as a Mom was when my kids started school.  I couldn’t witness all the interactions of their day, you know, who said what and how they were treated by other kids.  As moms, we kiss boo boos, we make it all better with a band-aid,  a squeeze, and “I love you.”  I could no longer protect them, instead I needed to equip them.

I remember one of the Moms in my neighborhood warning me about what happens when your child starts kindergarten.  This  friend of mine said she noticed within the first few weeks of  school that her daughter was a bit more sassy and had more of an attitude than she usually does at home. Moms of girls, you already know that girls can be on the dramatic side.  Their reactions are over-the-top, they can include eye-rolls and temper tantrums.   My neighbor was right, I could see some changes, but we got through it.

One day last winter, we were dressing her in her snow pants for the bus  and her little eyes welled up with tears.  I asked her what was wrong and what made her so upset.  Through the tears she told me that she didn’t want to wear them.  She said she looked fat in them.  Another student in her class had told my baby girl that she looked fat.  Really? This stuff starts in kindergarten?!?  This babe of mine had already dealt with someone commenting on her appearance, telling her a lie, and in turn, causing her to feel less than.  As adults, we know kids are mean.  We know of “mean girls.”  As women, we know how other women can cause a ripple, an insecurity, or a twinge of pain by the words they say.

I never thought it would start so young and that something so far from the truth could hurt her.  Of course it did.  Words have the power to hurt anyone, male or female,  at any age.

That spring I got a text from a friend of mine in the neighborhood, our daughters are in class together and have become friends over the year.  The text had a picture attached to a drawing.  My friend had found the picture while going through her backpack, as all Moms do.  It was tough to make it all out, but it included things like “Don’t be a flower, be a thundercloud” and “Mean Girls”, along with their names.   She had said that she was going to talk to her daughter about it and wanted me to know.  I agreed it was something we needed to address and thanked her for telling me about it right away!  I had also heard from a friend that is a teacher in the district, that each school has a social worker.  This social worker had informed them that there is a club of older girls {think 3rd to 5th grade} that recruit younger girls to be in their club.  When these social workers  catch wind of this stuff, they inform the teachers so they can keep a close eye on things.

This note became a teachable moment for our family.  As a family we talked about how we need to realize when our words or actions are like “thunderclouds”.  We talked about how a “thundercloud” might sound.  What it’s words would be like.  We decided this world needs more “flowers” than “thunderclouds.”  It taught both me and my husband  that we need to check ourselves and our attitudes and focus on being flowers around our home and in our thoughts and words.  We are our children’s best example.  My heart broke knowing that she had picked up that behavior somewhere and I intended to nip it in the bud, right away.  I had her draw a picture of a thunder cloud and a flower and we put it on our fridge as a constant reminder to use words of kindness and speak lovingly to others.

All of the above breaks this Momma’s heart…that my daughter goes into a battle field of sorts when she boards the bus.  That I cannot protect her and shield her as I did in year’s past.  She will be influenced by others.

Our children can teach us so much.  They rely on us to not only feed and clothe them, but to guide them through this world.

When my kids tell me of the hurtful things that are said to them on the playground or in class, I respond with this;

“I’m sorry they said that to you.  They must be going through something that makes them feel bad. You don’t deserve those words.  Because someone said them, doesn’t make them true.

Be the light in this world, baby.  Always, alway try to remember to be kind.”

Mommas, what if we all joined together and taught our kids to show love?

What if we focused on speaking kind words and thoughtful actions in our homes?

What if we taught to include rather than to see “different” in others?

What if the hearts we have for our babies shaped the way our children treated others in this world?

Choose.love.first.