Private vs. Public: Sharing my Baby on Social Media

After my husband and I found out we were expecting our daughter, we had very real conversations about parenting. Topics included the typical: How should she be educated? Should she attend public school or private school? Where do we want to settle down and raise her? How will we balance both families getting to spend time with her when we don’t live in the same cities as either side? How many more children do we want to have? But the most critical question remained: How comfortable do we feel sharing our baby on our social media sites?

This question would have never been considered in the past, mainly because social media didn’t really exist. If people wanted to see your baby, they had to visit you or wait to get pictures. Now, all they have to do is go to your Facebook or Instagram page to see your little precious bundle of joy.

Don’t get me wrong. I love when people share pictures of their kids on social media. I understand why many people choose to do so. It’s a great way to keep in touch with family and friends and for them to see your children as they grow up. And besides, some people can’t resist sharing pictures of their cute little babies or rapidly growing pre-teens. Like the majority of those on social media, I enjoy looking at pictures of other people’s kids because as a mom, I understand the joy and pride a parent feels when they can connect to others on a personal and familiar level.

But my husband and I decided not to share pictures of our daughter on our social media pages. I’ve written a post about this topic on my blog.

After our daughter was born, we mailed announcements to our family and friends and when a picture of one made its way to a friend’s Instagram page, the feeling I had the moment I saw it was indescribable. As a new mother, my baby was mine to protect, to hold and to cherish… and when the public had access to her (although only for a few minutes before our friend deleted the picture), I felt like I had no control (and we all know that mothers love to have control, especially over their children).

But let me clarify. I have shared some pictures of my baby on my Instagram page (none on Facebook), but almost all of them are shots of her looking away from the camera. Don’t be fooled: my baby is not a secret, and she does indeed exist. But with privacy laws being discounted daily, and as a culture of instant access continues to grow, I understand that some moments are just too precious to post. As much as I’m attached to my iPhone, iPad and Macbook, I try to make conscious efforts to “unplug” from these devices, even if for a few moments. I sometimes get annoyed with my husband for scrolling through his phone at dinner, especially if we’re out (although I’m guilty of doing this, too). I want to enjoy the company of the people I’m with and if I forget to take pictures to post… it’s no big deal.

I don’t want my daughter to rush into anything. She’ll have plenty of opportunities to learn about the internet and social media (whether I want her to or not) either at home, from my husband and myself, or from friends; hopefully it’s the former. Growing up, I was often in a rush to get something or do something, and I want my daughter to just… enjoy being herself at each stage of her life. I also want to enjoy some of these fleeting moments of time, because it’s true that babies really do grow so fast.

One minute we were bringing her home from the hospital and were adjusting to being the parents of a newborn, and now we’re adjusting to being the parents of a very active little baby.

In my opinion, there’s a difference between being private and being secretive. Any of our family and friends can tell you that they’ve seen our baby, either in-person or through pictures. Regardless of how they feel about our decision, they respect us (and our daughter) enough to comply with our choice. I think that if more people took social media a little less seriously, and lived in the moment a lot more, whether or not I post pictures of my baby’s face really wouldn’t be a big deal. I mean, there are more pressing issues happening in the world today.

So as a parent, and as a mother, one of my greatest responsibilities is to protect my child. If that means I choose not to post pictures of her every day or every week, so be it. I’m learning that parenthood is no easy task, and it’s not one that I take lightly. I like to imagine that as my daughter grows up, she will value face-to-face, personal interactions with people more than connections she is able to make via social media. Although social media has a HUGE impact on every facet of the world, I want to instill in my daughter the importance of stepping away from the public from time to time and focusing her attention on all of the people and things that bring joy and happiness to her private life.

 Rhonda Hylton is a wife and mother. She and her family moved to the Twin Cities a few months ago when her husband accepted a position at the University of Minnesota. In an effort to establish an outlet for herself, she was inspired to start blogging again after stumbling across Twin Cities Moms Blog. An innovative educator, writer, editor, and self-proclaimed student of life, Rhonda taught middle school and community college before giving birth to her daughter in March 2014. Since becoming a mother, Rhonda has worked from home, operating her editing business, Rhonda Hylton writes, while caring for her very active baby girl. She loves the connections that social networks help her make, both personally and professionally, and she hopes to teach her daughter to value face-to-face interactions as well as virtual relationships. Rhonda is an alumna of three great institutions: Clark Atlanta University (Atlanta, GA), University of Maryland, College Park (College Park, MD) and Johns Hopkins University (Baltimore, MD). To learn more about Rhonda and her thoughts on a variety of life experiences, you can read her blog posts at http://livelovelaughlearninspire.wordpress.com.