Sorry Journey but it’s time to STOP Believing

A few weeks ago we all loaded up the car and headed to a kid’s birthday party. As soon as we walked into the bouncy house place my two year old darted to the inflatables. Soon after as we watched him bounce around two other moms walked up to check up on their kids. One of them says, “Oh, they’re ok as long as your son doesn’t sit on them. He’s just sooooo big!” My mouth dropped to the floor, my face started burning, and my eyes filled with tears as she laughed and walked off. I froze–couldn’t say anything, couldn’t move.

My husband must have seen the look on my face because he came over to ask what was wrong. As we continued to watch my son laugh and play with the other kids I explained (tears now beginning to roll down my face) to him what had just happened. You see in my eyes she had just judged by son because of his size, is that what she had really meant to do?? He hugged me and replied “Jen it’s okay. Don’t let things like that get to you, look at him he’s fine. He’s healthy, he’s having a great time. Who cares what she thinks.” He was absolutely right yet I couldn’t let go of her comment. “Shouldn’t she know better?” I thought. And what happened to the old saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say….?” With baby in tow I rushed to the bathroom, cried some more and couldn’t understand how I, a 35 year old mom of two, was the only one crying at a two year old’s birthday party!

Later that evening and for a few days after I carried that anger and resentment with me. I hated that I hadn’t said anything back to her and felt like I had done nothing to protect my son from the “mean words.” Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do as a mother? I told friends and family about it who all reassured me that it was okay, I had done the right thing apparently. Maybe I just need tougher skin I kept telling myself. Yet I couldn’t let it go. And then it hit me. It wasn’t that her comment had hurt my son because he’s two, he didn’t understand what she had said, he didn’t understand how he was being judged because of his size. The issue lied within ME. I was fighting a huge battle with myself and no one else.

PERFECT MOM 1 vs. JEN 0

It was ME who was the one putting all this pressure on myself, not the other mom. I was the one needing to feel like I was the “perfect” mom with the “right size” kids. I’m the one who has had the issue with weight and have since my teenage years. Her comment made me realize that it’s time to STOP BELIEVING the world is full of judgy mamas who are out to ruin our day and to STOP BELIEVING that we all live in Pinterest DIY homes where rooms are spotless, home cooked meals are on the table for every meal and that our kids are tall enough, smart enough, play on the “it” teams in sports and are enrolled in all the best schools/classes. It was time to STOP BELIEVING everyone else’s truth and know what my truth is for me, my family and my kids.

The fact is parenting is #1 on all our lists and so it is also where we are most vulnerable. It’s time to STOP seeing ourselves as competition but rather as warriors on the same team, fighting the same fight and doing the absolute best we can day in and day out. Although our goal is the same the way we get there with our kiddos is SO different and guess what— THAT’S OK! You don’t have to join my “I feed my baby formula” world and I don’t have to feel bad for not being in your “I only breastfeed my baby” world. Stay true for what works for you and your family and STOP BELIEVING that someone else’s world is better than yours because we all know that no matter how many “perfect” pictures and poses we see on each other’s FB pages and Instagram accounts it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. So here are some of my truths and I hope you’ll join me in sharing your own:

1. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel guilty that my boys have to stay at school/daycare as long as they do. Don’t get me wrong I love their teachers and schools but it’s hard to sometimes be the first to drop off and one of the last ones speeding in to pick them up.

2. The whole “baby weight” issue is still a huge issue for me.

3.

4. I have been guilty of waiting in line at a store only to look down and realize I’m in “those sweatpants.” You know, the ones that should have been burned years ago.

and

5. Sometimes an iPad or my iPhone is the best answer I have to cure the toddler/baby troubles. Horrible I know but remember #nojudging

So to that fellow momma, thanks for the comment. Thanks for waking me up to realize that it’s time to start focusing more on my strengths and pat myself on the back because although I’m a far cry from this:

 I do know one thing for sure– I’m trying my best, we all are!