We must have been some sight, our mouths all gaping in disbelief of what was happening. The other team’s coach was pacing the sidelines and screaming at the referee – who looked no older than 16 years old – while some of the parents on that team joined in and shouted words that I have desperately tried to shield my kids from.
It escalated from there. The coach and parents were soon standing, voices raised, citing some infraction or missed call in this Saturday morning soccer match between seven-year-olds, gesturing manically and waving at all of us as if we were in some conspiracy against them. The referee pulled out his red card and tried to get the worst of the offenders to leave the field, but it only made things worse. The parents on the other team took after the referee like a dog after a bone and didn’t quit until the poor guy was crying uncontrollably and had to be escorted off the field.
Even as his mom drove him out of the parking lot, a man followed alongside the car screaming the F-word as she drove away, and another mom started to charge across the field at our soft-spoken coach to accuse him of training our boys to play dirty. The entire thing was crazy, unbelievable and embarrassing. I didn’t breathe easy until we were safely in our vehicle and down the road, only then turning around to see wide-eyed little boys who wanted to know why “those people were so mean.”
Well, isn’t this a life lesson, I thought as we made our way home. Don’t think I didn’t want to yell back. These people acted obscenely; they were belligerent and represented every principle of parenting that I was against. They didn’t care what they were doing or saying in the presence of children, concerned only with expressing every thought and unfounded accusation that crossed their mind without care or consideration as to whom it affected. They were serving as role models in the worst possible way, teaching children by example that you simply don’t have to treat people with respect if you feel entitled or frustrated. Truth be told, we had no idea why they were so upset or what they were accusing anyone of doing. There was no rationale or reason behind their actions, just anger and a strong determination to place blame squarely on someone else’s shoulders.
I was appalled and, more than anything, felt sorry for the kids on the other team. They just wanted to play soccer; I find it hard to believe that they enjoyed hearing their parents and coach belittle their seven-year-old opponents and those of us cheering for them on the sidelines. Chances are, these kids wouldn’t be having a rational discussion on their way, but rather a continuation of the expletive-filled tirade that they had already heard too much of. My family, however, would be having a rational discussion about this not-so-fun-filled soccer match, and it went something along these lines:
{Turning toward the backseat to talk to my boys as my husband still fumed, white knuckling the steering wheel and shaking his head at the unforgivable scene we had just left behind.}
“You know what guys, I wish you didn’t have to see that back there, but you did. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to see a lot of bad behavior in life, and I’m sorry about that. Grown-ups don’t always act their age, and those grown-ups acted in a way that was really sad. Max, you and your team did absolutely nothing wrong.”
I could offer little else at the moment because, to me, there was no suitable explanation. Like it or not, we have to prepare our kids for the fact that there are jerks in the world – and a lot of them. You can’t avoid them. It’s like walking in a field of horses; you can do your best to avoid the poop, but every now and then you’re going to walk right into a big pile of it. You just have to wipe it off your shoe, and keep walking.
My boys, five and almost eight years old, just stared back at me, nodding in understanding. They asked no further questions, but simply spent more time than usual eating their after-game snack and focusing on the turning leaves outside. At school, there is a strong anti-bullying message – children being taught to show compassion toward others and reinforce the golden rule that, too often, seems forgotten.
As I turned around for the rest of the drive home, I too focused on the changing leaves and tried not to get too worked up over the fact that my kindergartner had a better grasp on decent human behavior than some adults. The thought was just too sad; we all needed to wipe the poop off our shoes and move on.
