This time of year, our family thrives on play dates and activities. Anything to get us moving and keep us entertained. With cold temperatures and short days, however, the ideal scenario of “let’s meet at the park and let the kids run around” often changes to an indoor, at-home chaotic afternoon.
In-home play dates offer flexible timing, the comfort of a home, potentially less germs, and, of course, no entrance fee. For some reason, however, these play dates are more intimidating to me. I remind myself that my child will be practicing not only social skills, but guest or host etiquette as well. Then arise the questions, “What exactly is getiquette fo a play date?”
House Rules
Remind children how to be a polite guest or host. We ask our daughter to follow the rules of the host family just like she would follow the rules at preschool. When she is at school, she follows school rules. When she is at a friend’s house, she follows their house rules.
Share examples with your child before the play date. For example, some parents may only want kids to play with toys in the playroom, keep drinks in the kitchen, or ask kids to keep craft supplies on a certain table, etc. Also, talk about how to be a polite guest. Examples include removing shoes when entering the house and using works like “please” and “thank you.” These manners are something kids can remember to do at every house without being asked.
Misbehaving
How am I going to react if my child doesn’t share? How should I react if the guest doesn’t listen? Sometimes children become more protective of their personal toys than toys at school or on the playground. Kids are learning conflict resolution, too. If a situation escalates, you may want to intervene and demonstrate options of resolving the problem. Encourage kids to take turns with the help of a timer or redirect them to simply find a different activity. If something happens that requires more discipline, I refrain from disciplining any child but my own. Make sure you have the other parents’ cell phone numbers in case you need to contact them.
Illness
Has anyone who will be present at the play date been sick in the last 24 hours? If someone has had a fever, diarrhea, or vomited in the last 24 hours, it’s important to ask the other parents their thoughts on keeping your plans. If an infant will be present, it’s important to share if anyone has ANY sickness symptoms. If the infant is too young to have all vaccinations, you may choose to ask if older guests have been vaccinated.
Food
Will the kids eat while on the play date? Do the children have any meal/ snack preferences? Asking these questions prior can help prevent the “I don’t like that!” scenario. Allergies? Even if a meal is not being served, it’s important to alert families of allergies. At the beginning of the play date, tell the kids if there will be a snack or meal. This avoids the “can we have a snack?” question every 15 minutes.
Remind your kids that it’s OK to ask for a glass of water, but to wait to be offered a snack. There should be no pressure around how much or what to eat. Remember, the purpose of this play date is to build social development, not to work on nutrition. Remind your kids to use table manners, saying please and thank you. Remind your kids what to do if they are offered a food they don’t like – kindly say “no, thank you.”
Pets
Does the host family have pets? Will the kids have access to the pets? Are any of the kids allergic? Scared? If there are certain rules pertaining to the pets (i.e. the dog isn’t allowed upstairs, the cat isn’t allowed outside), communicate these to guests before the play date begins. We typically keep our dog out of play dates unless the other parents are around and agree it’s OK.
Beginning with open lines of communication with the other families is a proactive way to set up a smooth experience. If you are even slightly hesitant about a play date, ask if you can stick around for a little while or if you can do the first play date in a public place (i.e. restaurant, indoor playground, mall play area).
Most importantly, remember the ultimate purpose: PLAY date. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of play is “activity engaged in for enjoyment or recreation.” And that’s the real beauty of a play date.
About the author: Never realizing she’d fall in love with a Kansas boy and return to her birth city, Katie grew up in Copley, Ohio. She and her husband, Jeff, met at Miami University, enjoyed Cincinnati, Ohio for a few years, and moved to Kansas City after getting married in 2007. They now reside in Overland Park.
Katie spends her free time exploring Kansas City with her husband and daughters, Emily (almost 4) and Olivia (18 months). Zoey, her very excitable Boxer often joins the adventures. Katie received her bacherlor’s degree at Miami University of Ohio and taught elementary school in Cincinnati, Ohio. Since moving to Kansas City, she found a passion for the medical industry and works full time for a pharmaceutical company. Katie thanks her mother and grandmother for instilling in her a love of reading and writing!
