New Kid on the Block: Introducing a Sibling

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 presetBringing a new baby home for the first time is uncharted territory. You go through the 100-point checklist to make sure everything is ready at home, double check that the carseat is installed properly and load up on hand sanitizer. By the time the second kid rolls around, you’re pretty much a pro when it comes to the whole welcoming-a-baby-into-the-family thing, right? You for sure strap the carseat into the car but everything else seems to fall by the wayside. After all, you are chasing around an older child, and there are barely enough hours in the day as it is.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, we didn’t do a whole lot to prepare for her arrival in the grand scheme of things. We did, however, take the time to prepare our older daughter for becoming a big sister. I thought we did an OK job but I was still nervous for the day they’d actually meet. Would there be jealousy and epic temper-tantrums or a regression in her behavior? I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.

We introduced them in the hospital, hours after the baby was born. It went surprisingly well and two months later, Gracyn is still smitten with her baby sister. Here are few tips that helped us cultivate this new-found relationship without tears and meltdowns from our oldest daughter:

I let her know she was still my no. 1 girl. It was a priority of mine to make sure she knew that even though we added another member to our family, she was still just as important. Instead of calling her a “baby” or “little,” we started referring to her as the “best big sister” or our “big girl” in the weeks and days leading up to sisterhood. By the time my husband and I left for the hospital, I really think she understood that she’d be coming later to see us and, to some extent, understood the baby would be there, too.

I wanted her first visit to the hospital to be all about her. Not necessarily the baby. Her world was about to be turned upside down. She’s had me and her dad all to herself for almost two entire years. Our undivided attention. All of a sudden, she was going to see us with another baby, holding and loving on someone else and tending to someone else’s needs, oftentimes before her own. Gracyn was going to have to wait and be patient at times, something she’d have to learn to do. So, before we introduced her to her sister, I wanted to give her my undivided attention one more time. As she walked into our hospital room, she saw me first and I made sure that I was not holding the baby. She came to sit with me on the bed and we talked for a few minutes about her morning and what she had for breakfast. Once she was OK with seeing me laid up in the hospital bed, my husband asked if she wanted to see her sister. She immediately said yes.

IMG_7225We brought the baby to her. Justin carried her over to the bed while Gracyn sat with me. She really was so excited and my heart literally exploded into a million pieces while I held back crazy hormonal tears as I saw them together for the first time. My nerves melted away for the time being once I saw Gracyn being so sweet and gentle with her new sister.

Little sister gave big sister a gift. A new baby doll, actually. That way, Gracyn had a new baby to take care of just like mommy and daddy. She was already a little mama to her other dolls and was thrilled to see another one join the group.

Everything went so smoothly during the initial introduction. I was honestly shocked it went so well. In addition to all of the talking and planning, I really think the age difference helped tremendously as well. They are 23 months apart. If Gracyn had been a little older, we might have seen some changes, but so far so good.

We haven’t seen any negative behavior toward the new baby. She hasn’t asked to send her “back where she came from” or bitten her on the cheek like my older brother did to me when I came home from the hospital. (Don’t worry, my mom bit him back, and he never did it again. It’s OK that she bit him back, too ‘cuz I’m alive, and it was the 80s). I’m sure there will come a time when Gracyn doesn’t totally love her little sister – um hello, teenage years – but for now, they’re best buds.

Gracyn will run to comfort Leighton when she cries, give her unsolicited kisses and try to make her smile. She’s even shared her toys and has only dropped a rattle on the baby’s face once, which I’m convinced was totally an accident…

Mackenzie Oakley
Hi! I’m Mackenzie, wife to Justin and mama to three beautiful babes. I grew up in Sioux Falls, SD and headed south for college in Lincoln, NE where I earned a bachelor’s degree in Marketing from UNL. I met my husband while I was visiting family in Kansas City in August 2007 and we've been together ever since. After graduating college in 2008, I landed my first job in Kansas City, Justin and I bought a house in Olathe, got married and started our little family. We’ve called the KC-area home for almost 10 years now! I work full-time for a small marketing firm and spend what little free time I have loving on my kids, attempting a little DIY here and blogging over at Baby By Oakley.