Mind Your Marriage

“We’re going to a marriage seminar.”

That was my reason for not participating in a sprint triathlon this past February. While the indoor sprint triathlon was something I would have liked to do, the marriage seminar (organized through our local Down syndrome guild) is an event that my husband and I covet every year; we are a stronger couple – and better parents – when we put effort into our relationship with one another. I know at the end of each day, I am usually spent and it is so easy to take for granted the other adult sitting at the dinner table so this seminar serves as a nice reminder to focus on the things that really matter.

Over the years, these seminars have included presentations on topics such as understanding emotional intelligence, learning your (and your spouse’s) love language, and developing communication skills to create a little fuller feeling in our “love tank” (similar to the kindness bucket). One seminar even included an entertaining round of “The Newlywed Game”! Learning (and then utilizing) the skills we take away from each seminar strengthens bonds in all of our relationships – most importantly, our relationship with our spouse.  

One of my favorite things about the seminar is knowing that we are hearing, learning, and sharing the same experience with one another; these lessons serve as a common reference point throughout our daily lives. I have realized that I occasionally have expectations that I impose on my husband without actually telling Chris about said expectations – as though he was supposed to read my mind and know what I was thinking. Obviously, this tactic is met with elevated levels of stress and is highly unsuccessful.

Hey – I never said we had it all figured out … 😉

For Chris’ part, he enjoys the kid-free night away from the house as well as the company of other adults. We have great friends who live about an hour away and this event is one of the few times when we get to enjoy their company. All four of us look forward to dinner at one of Kansas City’s yummy restaurants (this year, we visited Cucina Della Ragazza. It is delicious and cozy!) in addition to the time of learning and growing with one another at the seminar.

While Chris and I might differ on our favorite components, we both agree that carving out the time to focus on our relationship is essential. One night away from the house and kids strengthens our family and helps to create memories that we still laugh at years later. Through these seminars, we are reminded to laugh with each other, highlight our strengths and admit our weaknesses – and while a night away is not necessary to work on these aspects of our relationship, it does  make it a lot more likely to happen. I find myself enjoying our conversations when I feel as though we are moving forward, rather than being stuck in an endless volley of ping-pong. We are strong people, but the strength we have when we work together is immeasurable.

Moms: what outlets (formal or informal) do you and your spouse use to strengthen your marriage? Let us know by leaving a comment below!