Mom vs. Daughter: Caring for an Aging Parent while Raising Kids

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Man vs. Wild.

Husband vs. Wife.

Cat vs. Dog.

This is my life.

Mine is actually… Mom vs. Daughter.

But, not in the terms that you may be thinking.

For me, it is balancing my roles of being a mom and being a daughter—a mom of busy, growing teens and a daughter of an aging mother.

My mother lives 175 miles away. My kids are involved in activities and creating social lives and friendships that I need to experience with them… for now. I know there will come a day that I have to let them go, and hope I have taught them well.

That’s the hard balance. Going to see Mom has been a tough choice. When I am gone, I am afraid that I might miss something special because I am not home. I also worry that they would miss something special because I am not home. (My husband does it all well when I am gone. I just happen to be a bit of a control freak…. Thank you, Steve, for doing it so well when I am gone.)

Finding the balance has been harder as my kids have grown up. When they were little, I could take them out of school without worrying about the important things they may be missing. They have been able to love being with my mom.

Mom vs. Daughter: Caring for an Aging Parent while Being MomShe has done so many cool things with my kids. When they were younger, she would take them for a few days here or there. Sometimes, she had all three. Other times were special with just one at a time. I know my kids have grown stronger by her sweet lessons. (My girls can sew and make cookies better than I any time!)

Now, my mother is no longer able to visit our home. That was a tough moment for me to realize. I used to be anxious for her to see the new things I had created in our home. Just recently, it came to mind that I can no longer share those little things with her. I can show her a picture, but it is not the same.

Little things… do not focus on them. They are not the big things.

As a mom and a daughter, I am learning to balance both roles. That’s because I learned that—from my mother. I watched her do just that when I was growing up. It is exactly what I want to teach my children.

There really is a time and place for everything.  And, everything really does have its place.

Mom vs. Daughter: Caring for an Aging Parent while Being MomMy mother has taught me to live each day to be a stronger “me” tomorrow—and, to be there for my kids, so they can learn to do the same.

She is teaching me that there really is a balance for me as a mother and a daughter. For everything she has shown me, I get to show my children.

The circle is complete.

She has taught me to not break the circle with my guilt, by being unsure of how to maintain the balance of the roles God has given me. Guilt is a big waste of time.

Instead, find joy in each moment with your mom and your kids. It doesn’t have to be two separate worlds, unless you allow it to be.

Have you struggled to find balance between your roles as Mom and Daughter as your own parents have aged? What are you learning in the process?


Meet Guest Blogger Lisa Hulsing

Childhood Cancer Awareness, Cancer MomLisa Hulsing grew up in Estherville and attended the University of Northern Iowa and Drake University. She is currently a pharmacist and lives in West Des Moines with her husband, Steve, and their three children, Regan, Nick, and Gabby. She is a founding member of BeatCancerToday.org. This is a local charity created by parents of kids diagnosed with cancer. In 2010, she was a recipient of Lite 104.1’s Outstanding Woman You Should Know award for her work in the community bringing awareness and raising dollars for pediatric cancer research and support programs.

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