I have a really cool job. Well, I have several really cool jobs: swing-pusher, chief-of-snuggling, lullaby-singer….

Outside of being a mama to my little men, I get to use my desire to nurture and to make this world a better place in a professional capacity. I work with college students.

In addition to the major perk of being able to wear hooded sweatshirts to work and have it be totally acceptable (which, let me just say, is a lifesaver when you have to get yourself and two little guys out the door by 6:20 a.m.), I love being a part of helping 18-year-olds take that next step toward their academic, personal, and professional goals. And although I have quite a few years until my little buddies will be sitting across the table from someone like me, I often find myself wondering what kinds of things I am doing now that will impact them later.

You might have heard this line quoted before:

Often, I’ve heard it referred to in the context of a desire to pass along one’s spiritual beliefs to one’s children. While I completely agree with that application, I think that if we stop there, we miss out on a good deal of the wisdom in this seemingly simple admonition. I don’t claim to be a theologian or an expert in literature, but in my life, this sentiment is a call for me to study my children. To know their strengths, to know their fears, and to model what it looks like to invest in knowing another person. To have a Ph.D. in my guys.

So, if I were to ask you for the syllabus to Knowing Your Kids: 101, what would it say?

If this is the first time that you’re thinking about these things, let me put propose some questions that might help you consider how studying your kids might look in your life:

Articulating Your Purpose

Whenever I develop a new course, I always try to lay out my purposes ahead of time. What my students can expect of me and what I expect from them is clearly defined. Would it really be so strange to do that in our parenting? To articulate what skills and talents, opportunities and challenges, that we’re hoping soccer will accomplish? That chores will produce? That certain family rules will promote? Heck, maybe we even post it on our refrigerators, our bathroom mirrors, the visor in our minivans? Maybe we’d talk about it at the dinner table or on that ice cream date?

Using Your Toolbox

I also consider what is in my toolbox to help me develop the course. This helps me to draw upon what I already have rather than feeling like I’m starting from scratch (which can paralyze me). When thinking about parenting, you might ask these questions:

• Who and what do you have at your disposal to help you in studying your kids?
• Are there other people in your life (e.g. teachers, coaches, grandparents, neighbors), loving on them, who can offer insight if you were to ask?
• Are there books or assessments you could reference? I’d highly recommend StrengthsFinder for those of you with teenagers (and encourage you to take it yourself!).

Reserving the Right to Self-Edit

With my students, there’s always a line in the syllabus to say that this is subject to change. It’s quite possible that as you and your kids experience life together, as you study them, they will change, you will change, and circumstances will change (change is the only constant, am I right?). When a new talent emerges, when they want to quit soccer and join the dance team, how will you respond? What messages will you send? What consequences might there be?

Mamas, we have such a great opportunity here. We can be intentional in knowing our kids. On sending them in the way they should go, down that path toward an intersection of ability and desire that will position them to be leaders in their generation.

Okay, class, let’s get started….

Meet Guest Blogger Autumn Cartagena

After being born on Veterans Day to two active duty soldiers, Autumn should have known the military would always be a part of her life. Now a working mom (full-time academic adviser and part-time psychology instructor) and military wife, she and her husband Jensen (an engineer and officer in the Iowa Army National Guard) keep busy raising their two boys, Leo (2) and Louie (5 months), to love God, country, and the Cyclones. When not with her family or working, Autumn loves an afternoon with friends spent crafting, sipping Diet Coke, and swapping recipes.