Helping Your Son Navigate Adolescence

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Our oldest son recently celebrated a milestone in his life. He turned twelve on Wednesday, but we gave him his gift – and his symbolic ticket into adolescence – a bit early. In our family, hunting and trap shooting has been a shared love. My husband has enjoyed learning about shooting skillfully, understanding guns, and teaching our boys about gun safety and enjoying the sport with respect and responsibility. My dad, father-in-law, brother, and brothers-in-law have also played an important part in teaching my sons about how to safely handle hunting guns.

All this to say, last Saturday, our oldest received his first shotgun. This is just one of many steps toward manhood that we will be walking alongside our sons. Owning and handling a gun, although a huge responsibility, is only one of the many responsibilities that lie ahead. I can’t speak to the deliberate dance that must occur between parents and their daughters, but we’ve been praying about this march toward manhood for years.

A few of the steps toward manhood we’ve recently journeyed alongside our son have included several seemingly simple milestones:

Venturing Out

Adolescence is a tricky wicket. Not quite old enough to be independent but too old to sit around all day playing Legos and Nerf wars, the adolescent male faces a conundrum. Where do I fit in, in this world of boys and men? One activity we’ve noticed that has given our oldest son a taste of freedom within a very defined parameter has been riding his bike outside our neighborhood. He asks frequently if I need anything from the grocery store which happens to be exactly 1.2 miles away from our home. Guess what? I can easily say yes to that request! We’ve practiced the routes, practiced safely crossing a few of our busy neighborhood streets, and arming him with a helmet and a cell phone, we feel confident he’s ready to make this small journey on his own. Luckily, we live within bike riding distance from a few gas stations, a frozen yogurt shop, the local pool, and the grocery store. He has several places he can safely and independently go to stretch his horizon. For those of you whose children have smartphones, you can even equip them with an app so you can literally watch them as they travel. One such app is the Find My Friends app available on iOS devices.

Picking the Show: Yes or No

Movies and video games are to the adolescent male what glitter and bling are to the adolescent female. If it’s on the big screen, they wanna see it. The bigger the action, the louder the special effects, and the more outrageous the humor, the better. The question quickly becomes, Is the movie appropriate for our pre-teen viewer? At one point in his life, it was a simple yes or no from Mom or Dad. As he’s gotten older, we’ve started to relinquish some of that decision-making responsibility. We’ve bookmarked the website Plugged-In Online on all our computers, as well as downloaded their free app for quick decision-making help. We often point him to the website where he can quickly get a summary of content to help him with his decision. We’ve been so encouraged to see how he has easily been able to align his values with a good viewing decision.

The Bloomin’ Onion Ceremony

Naturally, with adolescence, comes the need to have “The Talk.” My husband had this initial conversation with our oldest son well over a year ago as a way to begin a lifelong discussion of all things related to sex. As we noticed him becoming more curious about the exact details concerning sex, we decided it was time to bring him up to speed on the specifics. Coincidentally but intentionally, some of this happened while sharing a Bloomin’ Onion at Outback Steakhouse. What better place to talk about becoming a man than over a big ole steak? I’m not sure our son will ever look at onions the same way again, BUT, I do believe he’ll always remember the purposefulness of the conversation. I know he’ll remember the way we deliberately brought him to a better understanding of a “taboo” topic. I pray he’ll always feel the freedom to come to us first about his questions in this area of life.

I also have a dear friend I’ve been able to talk to about this specific part of adolescence, as she, too, has three sons who are approaching this age. She recently posted about this very topic on her own blog. Check out what she has to say here.

So, maybe your ticket to training an adolescent hasn’t been purchased quite yet, but start planning your journey now. This is one trip you don’t want to try embarking upon without a plan of action.

Helping Your Son Navigate Adolescence

What are some of your biggest concerns about raising an adolescent? What tricks of the trade did your parents use when you were a teen?

 

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Marti Skow
Marti Skow is a boy raising, homeschooling, picture taking, blog/song/poetry writing, husband loving, work from home graphic artist. She has learned to graciously thrive in a house full of boys, living a life precariously between wedgie wars and warrior training. Marti has written several worship songs with her husband Josh and describes writing and poetry as her form of “knitting.” Some of her favorite things are good coffee (spelled Smokey Row), historical fiction and breakfast foods…preferably enjoyed together. Marti’s desire is to see the world as God sees it and to love His people as He does. You can read more about Marti’s life with boys at www.betterbelieveit.wordpress.com.

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