Grade School Romance: Why My 7-Year-Old Daughter Will Not Be Your Girlfriend

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Grade School Romance: Why My 7-Year-Old Daughter Will Not Be Your Girlfriend

It was Sunday afternoon. The kids had gone outside to ride their bikes, and my husband had stepped into the garage. I was alone in the living room doing some exercises when five-year-old Isabel burst through the door. “Amariah has a boyfriend! It’s Chris! It’s true!”

A boyfriend? I thought. My kids don’t even know what that is….

Less than a minute later, a commotion arose outside—the sound of kids’ voices, arguing.

My husband returned from the garage just then. Good. This sounds like a job for Daddy.

“Honey, I think you need to check on the kids,” I said. “Oh… and I’m hearing that some boy is claiming to be Amariah’s boyfriend….”

As any girl-dad can imagine, this one reacted without pause. His arrival on the scene was enough to break up the neighborhood bunch, and after a quick questioning of big brother Abel, Amariah was summoned.

And so began our first ever talk with our girl about boys.

It didn’t take long to find out what had happened. The day before, Chris had sent his friend to ask Amariah to be Chris’s girlfriend (isn’t that the way it always works?). Amariah had felt unsure of how she should answer, but despite her big brother’s (wise) counsel to just say no, she was pressured into a “Yes” by the insistent messenger.

The next day, an older neighborhood boy had taken it upon himself to play bodyguard for the “boyfriend and girlfriend.” They wanted to be alone in the backyard, he’d deemed, and using threats of “street fighting” know-how, made sure it could be so. The bully refused passage to Amariah’s concerned older brother and his friends, creating the ruckus I’d heard from the living room.

Grade School RomanceShe’s seven. Barely seven. This wasn’t supposed to happen so soon. Boyfriends and bullies and big brother playing protector? Where is the innocence?

It’s not like I shouldn’t have known. I was her age when it all began for me—love notes and messengers and “arranged” alone time. So why did I think it would be different for my daughter? Because we homeschool? Because I’m her mom? Because she’s just a little girl?

Yes. A little girl. The one whom I mentor. The one whom Daddy protects. Beginning now—in second grade.

We sent her back outside to find Chris. She told him she isn’t allowed to have a boyfriend. “Why?” he wanted to know. “Because that’s the way Mommy and Daddy want it to be.”

Yep, it is. Like, for a while.

Why?

Because it’s pointless. My seven-year-old daughter and her eight-year-old neighbor friend don’t even know what being a girlfriend and boyfriend means. So maybe that makes it harmless… now… but carelessly playing at love and romance won’t be so cute—and maybe not so innocent—down the road.

The hearts of our children are my husband’s and my greatest treasure. God has placed them in our hands to nurture and to guard. Is the inevitable breakup of a second-grade romance going to hurt her? Probably not. But a practiced and indiscriminate giving of her heart could—one day.

My sweet Amariah Grace. I love her too much to let someone else pretend to.

Grade School Romance, Boyfriend and Girlfriend, Relationship Boundaries

What’s your take on grade school romance?

7 COMMENTS

  1. Angela-
    I’m wondering what your thoughts would have been if it was your son in the role and a girl had wanted to be his girlfriend….would you feel the same way? I find myself (as a boy mom) increasingly sensitive to the idea that boys are heart breakers or looking for trouble, etc when it comes to girls. I totally and wholeheartedly understand the sentiment of your post and I could not agree more that 7 seems a bit too young to have a boy or girl friend. I’m just curious your thoughts on if you would handle it differently with your son.

  2. I remember even as old as 16 wishing I had saved my heart from school age crushes. Outwardly I may have been committed to “courtship” but inwardly I wanted a boyfriend like my friends. Now as a mother of a very outgoing 5 year old it is a great reminder that it starts SO young! My husband takes our daughter on dates just like he does with mommy. We are proactively trying to help her learn to trust her heart to daddy until she is old enough to give it to someone worthy of it.
    Thanks for the great blog today! Such a great reminder!

  3. Well Jesse is almost 9 and was like 6 or 7 when he met his….well not so little girlfriend. He refuses to even consider another girl as his girlfriend claiming his love is only for his girl. Very sweet, very committed I would say to this one single girl. Good to know he will be a loyal man hopefully when he grows up. He even came home one day staying to me ” Mommy, I’m gonna marry (insert girls name) when I do, can she come live with us” I had to laugh, it was so cute. I made clear though that I am sure that if they did get married she wouldn’t want to live with his mommy. He always runs and give her hugs and even stolen a kiss or two. Such a sneaking little boy he is. He asked for one from her at the library one day, and she went in to kiss him on the cheek, but before she got there, he turned his head so she kissed him on the lips. He was so excited that he blurted out to the whole room that he had just got a kiss. This is very cute, and I find so very innocent compared to your story, only because this girl that is his supposed girl friend, is now 17 and going to graduate this year. She love Jesse alot, sits with him in church, gives him hugs and kisses when ever she sees him and even calls him her boyfriend in front of her friends. Nothing will ever happen for these two but the cute little romance they have is something I will remember forever. Never will forget him wanting to use his allowance to buy her a ring.

    As for Brothers protecting sisters, before his baby sister was born I had asked her dad if he would be one of those father with a shotgun at the door when the boys came a knocking, but before he could say yes, Jesse jumped in and said, ” No he wont, I will” That boy loves his sister quite a bit. I know he will be one to always protect her against bullies and boys.

  4. Good grief. Grade school crushes are normal, healthy milestones for kids. It isn’t romance. I believe in letting my child explore different feelings and i am glad he is learning to navigate all of his social relationships. It’s incredibly important to me that he feels safe in sharing details of his life and expanding world with me, and I would definitely not tell him he’s “not allowed” to feel attraction or begin building his own context for what his romantic life will look like as he emotionally matures. Forbidding his curiosity and exploration would send a message that there is something shameful about it. At this age, it is not “indiscriminate,” and certainly not sexual. I want him to know he is capable of navigating his social world with my support, guidance, and advice, but never my control.

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