I Believed Him… Now I Know the Truth

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Robyn Lieber photo albumI love to look through photo albums of old pictures… the rich memories tucked into a candid snapshot in time. Looking into their eyes I can see things now that I certainly didn’t see all those years ago.

We went to the same small high school in rural Iowa. He was a junior and I was a sophomore…. Boy was he tall, dark, and handsome. Oh to be young and in love…. I wasn’t sure what true love looked like but was certain I had found it. Our relationship wasn’t perfect…. There were things I questioned but was willing to overlook them because I was so infatuated with him. And then just a few months into our relationship… I’m pregnant.

He eagerly vowed to love, honor and cherish me; and I believed him. It wasn’t long before the new wore off and our relationship drastically changed. Here we were two inexperienced teens now married, living in our own home, making grown-up decisions and expecting a baby. Yes, life was stressful; but is stress an excuse for abuse/violence?

I believed him when he said he really didn’t mean to call me fat… a loser who had no friends… a bad mom. Don’t all couples have arguments and say things they don’t really mean? I believed him when he apologized for pushing me into the wall and backing me up against the lit kitchen stove top. He promised it would never happen again. I minimized it by thinking that I too do things I regret when I’m mad. The physical intimacy we once had was now very controlled and forced to meet his needs. I felt like he had more control over my life than I did. And even though his words never quite matched his actions, I believed he loved me.

I knew our relationship wasn’t right but I wasn’t sure what to do or who to tell…. I was afraid they wouldn’t believe me or would blame me. I already felt like I was a failure and a disappointment… so I worked really hard to make it appear that everything was normal at our house… for 10 years. I put on my mask to hide the shame and pain I felt. It got harder to hide…. Several times I took our 4 girls and left. We would stay with my parents for a few days… until the hurt and anger lessened… then we’d return home hoping things would be better. And it would be… for a little while.

I stayed because it seemed hopeless. I had never worked outside the home… had no college degree…. How could I afford all the expenses of raising 4 children by myself?… It seemed impossible.

Through counseling and developing a deeper relationship with Jesus I started to take back control of my own life. I began to see my true value and worth. I was willing to live with less in order to live with less chaos and fear. I’ll never forget the day he moved out.

Whoever made up the saying,

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,

was obviously not a victim of violence…. It’s been a long time and my physical scars have healed but I still struggle with the tapes of old messages that play in my mind… negative, hurtful messages. I still work hard… not to hide the past but to help others learn from my life.

I’m 51 now and married to a man who vowed to love, honor and cherish me; and I believe him because of the way he treats me with dignity, respect, and loves me just the way I am….

Robyn Lieber survivor

I AM A SURVIVOR!!


Meet Guest Blogger Robyn Lieber

Robyn LieberRobyn Lieber thinks she’s one lucky lady—a grateful wife, proud mother, and blessed grandmother. She finds joy in decorating her refrigerator with family photos and grandchildren’s artwork. She’s a lover of ballroom dancing and bull riding as a spectator only but an active participant in sharing the redeeming love of Jesus. Through her ministry, Reflections of Grace, she desires to encourage women to pursue the truth that may be missing in their own lives and to discover the freedom to live the abundant life God has planned for them.

Follow Robyn on Facebook or her website.

 

 

4 COMMENTS

  1. Thank you for your words. Your story is all too familiar, but I love to hear a fellow survivor story! What an inspiration! I am interested in learning more about your ministry!

    • Jennifer,

      This is a new women’s ministry that I have just recently launched. I feel God has called me share hope & encouragement with other women…ALL women not just domestic violence survivor. My hope is to share at women’s events, conferences, retreats wherever God leads & opens doors of opportunities. (Just spoke at a MOPS group here in Sioux City this morning…about 70 sweet moms:)

      To find out more about me/the ministry check out http://www.robynlieber.weebly.com

      Thank you for sharing that you are a survivor as well. There are so many that need to know that’s it’s not their fault…that they don’t deserve the abuse. I hope to be a voice to those who are voiceless.

      Be blessed,
      Robyn

  2. Thank you for sharing. God has surely used something horrible for good through your ministry and your willingness to share your experiences. May God richly bless you and your husband for many years to come.

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