Today my husband and I are celebrating nine years of marriage. It is sometimes hard to recognize those people who walked down the aisle nine years ago. I was just 21 and he was 23. We were young and fresh college graduates who were ready to start our life together with big dreams about our future. These past nine years have held more joy and blessings (with a little heartbreak sprinkled in) than we could have ever imagined as we walked out of that church hand in hand nine years ago.
My sister is a newlywed and took that walk down the aisle herself just two short months ago. As I watched her walk down the aisle I could not help but think about some of the things I wished I would have known as a newlywed. Here is what I would tell the 21-year-old blonde walking down the aisle nine years ago:
Dear Newlywed Self,
The biggest piece of advice I can give you as a newlywed is to never, ever expect your marriage to be 50/50. One of you will always be carrying a little bit more of the load. Housework and chores will never be 50/50, childcare will never be 50/50, even the amount of effort you put into your marriage will not always be 50/50 – and that is OK. Just know even though there are many days when you are doing more – giving more – that there are also many days when your husband is the one carrying the bigger load. Don’t keep score of who is doing more; just accept that sometimes your load will be heavy and other times it will be much lighter.
Newlywed self, marriage is hard… like, really, really hard. Please know that is normal. Marriage in the movies and on TV looks so easy and effortless and romantic all the time. This is not reality. Reality is a little messier than Hollywood productions. Real life marriage is something that you are always working on to make it better and stronger. Real life marriage is not effortless and is so much work. Real life marriage is worth it.
Make date nights a priority. I don’t think I can stress to you enough just how important date nights are. Before you have 
children, go out to the movies on a whim and out for dinner every Friday night. Travel and go on weekend getaways when you can. After you have children, dates nights increase in importance. Make room in your budget and time on your calendar at least once a month (if not more) to escape for a quiet dinner and a glass of wine – to where you can talk without being interrupted by your favorite little people.
Have your own interests and hobbies. You like to blog? Do it! He likes to go on long runs and spend time brewing his own beer? Encourage him to! Also make time for your friends. Let him go out for a guys night without pouting about him being gone. Go out for dinner with your girlfriends on a regular basis. Realize that you are both individuals with different interests and friend groups; don’t let that go just because you got married.
Newlywed self, I want to wrap up this letter by telling you that despite what the people believe and the statistics say, you made the absolute right choice by getting married so young nine years ago. You and Ben grew up together and have had the chance to navigate through some of life’s highest of highs and lowest of lows together. You could not have picked a better guy to complement your personality and to calm you down when you get worked up. You want to know what the best part is? You actually love him more nine years later than you did on your wedding day. How amazing is that?
And I just know the best is yet to come for you two.
Sincerely,
9 Years Happily Married You
