Waiting on Daylight :: 4 Ways to Help Your Relationship Last

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    4 ways to make your relationship last“Love. That’s what makes a marriage work. Nothing else matters.” That is the advice my father gave me about marriage.

    Before you begin to believe that I was raised by flower children, let me explain. No my father was not spouting the Beatle’s “All you need is love” back in the sixties. Instead he was sitting in a hole in the jungle with a rifle in his lap, waiting on daylight. His tour as a Marine in Vietnam took him away from his home, his friends, and his bride — his one and only for forty-nine loving years.

    After being married for so long, and making it work, he has some insight. I’ve taken his thoughts and tried to apply them to my own marriage of seventeen years.

    Make the Decision to Love and Support Your Partner

    While I believe Daddy is right in that love must always be present for a marriage to work, I also believe that we have forgotten about the other essential elements. I have learned from my own experience that we must choose to love that other person.

    Not every day will be wine and roses. Some days I have actually contemplated my wonderful husband’s sudden demise at my own hands. A bit extreme I realize but I am sure the feeling has been mutual at times.

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    Not everyday is going to be perfect – make a conscious decision to love your partner.

    Understand Your Partner (and What Works Best for Your Relationship)

    We are individuals, and we aren’t perfect. We fight, we fail, and we flip out. All of these things happen. It is important that we are willing to sit through the rocky times and wait for the storm to pass before we react.

    I have read that you should never go to bed angry. Although it is a great concept, that advice has not always worked for my husband and me. I sometimes just need time to process how I am feeling and if it is late at night I really struggle. I am a morning person, no doubt, so I am much more likely to think clearly and lovingly in the bright light of a new dawn.

    Find Common Ground (and Common Interests)

    Another essential element that has kept my husband and me together for seventeen years is that we have something, besides our daughter, in common. We both love movies, books, and music. Although we experience these things individually, we often share the same tastes and love just the experience of a well-written or well-performed story.  The energy of a concert and the hoopla that surrounds some performances can bring us back to the center of our relationship more quickly than anything else.

    So find something, outside of the children, that reminds you that you not only love one another, you also enjoy each other’s company — because one day those kids will move out of your home and you’ll be left with one another. The “excited” feeling of love when you first start dating or are married fades, so it’s important to make sure there is more there than just a physical attraction.

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    Find common ground. Spend time reconnecting through common interests.

    Accept Differences (and Love Them Anyway)

    At my mother’s memorial, my father referred to his experience in Vietnam. He said that her passing was worse than any night in a hole he spent waiting on the daylight. He is still struggling with the loss of his love, but his example to me has had a huge impact. I think the reason that my parent’s marriage endured when so many others failed  — was because they were willing to wait on the daylight. They accepted that there would be bad times, but they also knew that daylight would come.

    We must learn to fight through those horrible times and have faith that “love will find a way.” I am reminded of that scripture that says, “Love is not rash.” My father’s wisdom is that he knows marriage’s key element, the presence of love, but he also had the wisdom to know that a marriage often requires clear thinking and the courage to spend your nights waiting on daylight.

    What advice do you have for couples who are trying to make their relationship work?

     

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