Halloween brings ghouls, ghosts and spooky stories around the campfire. But the contributors behind Columbia SC Moms Blog know of some things much scarier than things that go bump in the night. We’ve compiled our most heart-stopping, blood-curdling moments from motherhood for your scare-ification.
Gory Gross-outs
- Another kid at our playdate found an absolutely disgusting month-old apple core in the playroom. Still blushing a year later.
- When you find an old bottle of milk under the sofa cushions or underneath the carseat.
- I peeked in on my toddler with the baby monitor and saw his latest poop painting project in progress.
- When your toddler discovers Vaseline and you forget everything you learned in science (go figure, oil and water really don’t mix).
- When you walk into the kitchen and your toddler has dumped an entire box of cornstarch out. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to clean up cornstarch?!?
- When you show up to a business meeting, well dressed and pressed, and realize you have slobber on your shoulder. I got out of there fast.
What Lies Beneath: Diapers
- When your newborn son pees on the wall … and you don’t notice for a week.
- The first poop when your child has something other than breast milk.
- When you’re in the middle of changing a blowout diaper and realize you only have three wipes. I got very into conserving resources all of a sudden.
- When you have to wash poopy cloth diapers in a public toilet. And I was holding my daughter with one arm while I was doing it!
- At 2, my son went through a sensitive phase and yelled “Don’t touch my penis” during every diaper change … including ones in public. I was terrified someone was going to call CPS on us.
Milk at Midnight: Breastfeeding
- When you’re away from your nursing infant and another child’s cry triggers your letdown.
- When you’re holding another person’s baby and she smells the milk on you and tries to latch on.
- The horror and joy of your breastfeeding boobs constantly changing sizes.
- My toddler tries to comfort her crying older sibling by breastfeeding him. In the cart at Bi-Lo. Hey, it works for her …
- When you’re at a playdate at a new friend’s house and your toddler wants to nurse … NOW. I never know the other mom’s feelings about nursing and I just cringe.
Spooky Socializing
- When you host a playdate at your house and inadvertently cause an outbreak of hand foot and mouth disease. I really should stop hosting playdates.
- When you tell someone your kid hates that and will never eat it and then he proceeds to eat 4.
- Or the reverse: When you say “Oh yes, he’ll eat that – he loves it!” and then he refuses it.
- When you realize your child pays attention to everything you say … and repeats it … in front of your mother-in-law.
It Came from the OB’s Office: Pregnancy and Birth
- When you learn that early-pregnancy ultrasounds aren’t done on your belly. “Transvaginal” is not a pretty word.
- The first time you have postpartum sex … my husband has never been so gentle! It was definitely a “lie back and think of England” moment.
- When the nurse who does your fundal massage is your neighbor! I actually have to look this woman in the eye and talk to her like she hasn’t seen me at my worst.
- When you go in for your OB appointment at 38+6 and your OB asks, “Is that a contraction?” and you had no. Freaking. Idea.
- One word: Lochia.
- When you realize that the OB who’s scheduled to do your GBS swab is the one in the practice you haven’t met yet. “Hi, nice to meet you … oh, we’re not shaking hands, we’re just getting right to it. Okay!”
Photos, top to bottom: Riv / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA; danhollisterduck / Foter / CC BY; Joe Shlabotnik / Foter / CC BY
Have you had a scary mom moment? Share in the comments.
