“Well, today is the day!” the doctor announced with a smile.
I glared back at her. I’d been in that stupid hospital bed for almost five weeks. I was only 30 weeks and 5 days along with the twins. I was pissed off, terrified, and depressed. And weirdly excited. That part always makes me feel guilty. What normal person would feel excited about delivering babies at 30 weeks and 5 days?
I realize now that it wasn’t “excitement” per se – it was shock. Those two emotions feel strangely the same in some moments. I would feel that quite a bit over the next few days, weeks, months.
Clenching my teeth, I replied to the chipper resident, “You better not kill me on the operating table.” She and I both knew I was referring to the fact that they’d been giving me blood thinner shots in the stomach all the way up to that day.
But, I was in natural labor, and one of the babies was in heart failure, so it was “Go-Time.” Blood thinners or not.
What It’s Like to Deliver Preterm (the good and the bad)
The babies arrived at 6:10 and 6:11 p.m., via c-section.
Charis was born first. She had been growth restricted, and we were worried that she would still be too small. But I heard the slightest sound, like a bird chirping, and knew that was her crying. She weighed 1lb 10 oz at birth.
“She’s breathing!” the doctor exclaimed. My husband and I smiled in relief.
Then silence.
The longest silence.
I caught a glimpse of my other daughter, who had to be immediately resuscitated, as she was rushed off to the NICU. I didn’t know what her condition was, but I knew she was alive.
We would experience a nightmare scenario over the next few days, weeks, and months.
Our daughter Kathryn, who had underdeveloped lungs, a heart that was barely functioning, and hydrops — or severe fluid buildup in her body — would pass away in my arms the evening of her second day of life.
Charis, who was the size of a 24/25 weeker, had far from an easy journey. She was so tiny, I could have held her in the palm of my hand.
We had our fair shares of ups and downs with her.
Life in the NICU
Life in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) is scary. Scary bells and alarms, PIC lines, blood transfusions, de-sats, heart racing, feeding problems, breathing issues, two holes in her heart, an eventual surgery to emplace a feeding tube in her belly … ups and downs that come along with delivering a preemie … we faced it all. We worried about eye sight, hearing, heart issues, infections, brain bleeds and brain damage, and the many other possibilities that a baby born too soon may face.
We spent 84 days (12 weeks exactly) balancing our lives around her feeding schedules and the open and closing times of the NICU, my husband’s job, and our other two children, who were 4 and 2.
By the end of our extended stay a the NICU, we were mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted, broke from all of the extra expenses, frustrated and stressed out, but ever so THANKFUL for the advances in neonatal care, and the loving, experienced staff at the Palmetto Health Richland NICU.
We were forever changed as parents.
The journey was difficult, but we made it. And we have a healthy, happy little girl, who will be 3 next month.
What You Can Do To Inform Yourself and Help Others
Prematurity continues to be a major problem in South Carolina, with 1 in 8 babies born too soon in our state. If you are pregnant, or considering a pregnancy, be sure to read this informative article by the March of Dimes: Are You At Risk for Premature Birth?
Even if it is not your first pregnancy. As I mentioned, I’d had two 40 week pregnancies before this one.
It is because of the March of Dimes that our Neonatal Care has come so far in this country, and that we have NICUs. Since our journey with preterm birth, we have become huge advocates for the March of Dimes, and look forward to the walk in Columbia each April. The monies raised continue to fund research and programs to advance care for preemies and understanding more about prematurity.
The March of Dimes is investing $75 million in a specialized network of five research centers around the U.S. conducting team-based research to discover the unknown causes of preterm birth. The first one opened at Stanford University School of Medicine in California in 2011. The Ohio Collaborative, a partnership of leading research centers in Cincinnati, Columbus and Cleveland, was created in 2013. The Prematurity Research Center at Washington University in St. Louis launched on November 10, 2014, and today the March of Dimes Prematurity Research Center at the University of Pennsylvania was inaugurated. The fifth center will be named by the end of 2014. To learn more, please go to prematurityresearch.org.
Do you have a NICU journey to share?
