How to Handle Compliments {Both Good and Bad}

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How to Handle Compliments {Both Good andCompliments can be a tough thing for many of us, especially women. On one hand, we often don’t know how to accept a compliment … and on the other, some of us just really don’t know how to compliment another person in a sincere, positive and appropriate way.

Just a few examples of odd, awkward and sideways compliments:

You look great for a bigger girl.

You have beautiful toes! Can I take a picture????

I love your panties … By the way, your skirt is tucked in your pantyhose.

Wow, you have the most beautiful eyes! Are they real?

Your hair looks good today. Did you wash it?

Any of these sound familiar? Or can you think of something someone has said to that made you second guess if they were really giving you a compliment? We’re here to help! Today is National Compliment Day and here is some advice to follow when giving and accepting compliments.

How to Give a Compliment

1.  If you follow a compliment up with a question, make sure it sounds just as positive as the compliment. Everyone likes to hear their hair looks great, but not when it’s followed by a question of whether or not it’s because you washed it.

2.  Remember compliments are not meant to make someone uncomfortable. Make sure you are aware of how well you know the person and in what context the compliment is being given. Imagine how you would feel if someone said the same thing to you.

3.  Insincere compliments or sideways compliments are often seen for what they are, a negative reflection of the person paying said compliment. It’s just not nice, don’t do it.

How to Accept Compliments

As women, it’s often difficult to accept compliments. Someone tells us we look great and we respond by saying it is just a fluke day. When asked if we lost weight, we respond it must be the black clothing we’re wearing or the lighting.

Why is it so difficult to just say thanks and acknowledge the good things about ourselves?

It seems there are two main obstacles to accepting compliments graciously. One, we don’t believe we really deserve them. Two, we don’t trust the person giving the compliment is sincere.

Both of these are valid and due in large part to the way we are socialized. We are taught not to brag or talk too highly about our accomplishments. No one likes someone who is “full of themselves.” So when someone tells us something great about who we are, we tend to downplay it.

However, as difficult as it may be, accept the compliment at face value.

The person paying the compliment would not say it if it were not true in their eyes. If you try to argue or deflect the compliment, then you are discounting their opinion and their insights. Just go with it.

When my daughter was still a toddler, she once said to me, “Mommy, I like your face.” It was so sweet and sincere. My first reaction was to say, “You silly girl.” What if I had? I really think that beautiful moment that stays with me years later would have been lost.

Embrace it mama … you are worth it. We are always our hardest critic. Just because we may not think it doesn’t mean it’s not true in someone else’s eyes.

You look GREAT today mama! I mean it!
You look GREAT today mama! I mean it!

How to Handle Insincere Compliments

There is definitely a difference between an unintentional backhanded compliment and one that is just plain insincere. It’s easy to tell the difference in the person’s body language and tone of voice.

A person who pays an insincere compliment is not really worth your time. If you think someone is telling you great things just to get on your good side, say thank you, and move on.

I teach 5th graders and I have one student who is always doing this very “Eddie Haskell” (oops, just gave away my age) kind of thing. There is no reason to try and argue or let them know you know. Take a closer look at why this person is treating you this way, and how you can resolve the conflict behind it. Jealously? Anger? Usually one of these two is the culprit.

Let the Compliments Flow!

Compliments, when sincere, make us happy. They feed both the receiver and the giver of the compliment. Take a few minutes today and compliment a friend, a coworker, heck, even the guy who checks out your groceries. We all need a little lifting up, and there is something about everyone that is positive and valuable.

Happy National Compliment Day!

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