How I Almost Lost My Daughter to SIDS

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That evening, my precious baby girl had given me the scare of a lifetime, and unfortunately brought to mind every parent’s worst nightmare: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or SIDS.

Imagine that one day you are watching your baby laugh, play and talk gibberish, and the next day your baby is gone from this world forever—all in the blink of an eye.

This nearly happened to me and my infant daughter, Sarah.

My husband’s birthday was September 28. Instead of going out celebrating, we continued with our regular Sunday evening routine. This particular evening, we finished things up early so we could put the kids to bed and watch a movie on Netflix together.

All the kids were in bed, and two-week-old Sarah was in her nursery, which is right near the living room. I was finishing up a few little tasks, and I heard what sounded like Sarah stirring. I ignored it and kept on; she continued for a few more minutes, and I just continued with what I was doing. Then it became silent.

With four kids, silence would seem golden under any other circumstance, but for some reason my “mom instinct” had me feeling nervous. I walked into the nursery and there was Sarah in her crib — not breathing. Immediately I started patting her back and yelling for my husband. I did CPR and she started breathing again.This occurred two more times in the course of 15 minutes, and at that point we rushed her to the ER.

That evening, my precious baby girl had given me the scare of a lifetime, and unfortunately brought to mind every parent’s worst nightmare: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or SIDS. October is SIDS Awareness Month, but on that day I was plenty aware of SIDS and what might have happened if I hadn’t checked on my daughter.

Prevention and risk factors

If you are a parent (or soon to be), I am pretty sure you are well aware of SIDS, the unexplained death of an infant. When I think back to my first pregnancy, I remember being asked during my childbirth class if I knew what SIDS was. I am pretty sure my response was something along the lines of, “It’s when babies fall asleep and stop breathing.” Little did I know in that one session I would be overwhelmed with so much more: how unsafe crib bumpers can be, the Back to Sleep campaign (now called Safe to Sleep), why the use of a pacifier may be a good idea, breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

Fast forward ten years. Here I am in the emergency room with Sarah, thinking “was the house too warm?,” “was she swaddled well enough?,” “what did I do wrong?” And as all of these questions run through my head, I immediately begin to question anything and everything I have known and done as a parent.

Sarah is okay now, but there are more than 2,000 infants whose lives are claimed each year by SIDS. For children under 1 year of age, it is the leading cause of death, and it is so unpredictable that there is no exact reasoning as to why it happens. However, there are several identified risk factors for SIDS, including:

  • tummy sleeping
  • poor prenatal care
  • prematurity
  • low birth weight
  • overheating (a warm room, too many blankets or heavy garments)

The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development offers these tips for reducing the risk of SIDS:

  • When putting your baby to bed, dress him or her in sleep clothing, such as a one-piece sleeper. Do not use a blanket.
  • Make sure nothing covers your baby’s head in bed.
  • Do not put pillows, stuffed animals, crib bumpers or loose bedding in your child’s crib.
  • Do not smoke or let anyone else smoke around your baby.
  • Place your baby on his or her back to sleep, on a firm infant-safe sleeping surface.

Grieving mothers 

Two days before Sarah was born, a dear friend I will call M lost her son to SIDS. Because it is still very recent, she would like to remain anonymous. At eight months old and perfectly healthy, “Jack” was laid in his crib for his nap, and when M went to check on him 45 minutes later, he wasn’t breathing.

“The hardest part of all of this,” M says, “was knowing that I did all of the right things, I followed all of the safety precautions, and still my son was lost to this monster.”

For M the pain is still very new and very real. She is still coming to terms with her loss. But Hillary, another mother who’s lost a child to SIDS, has taken the last seven years to bring awareness to families about SIDS and its misconceptions. She operates on her own, sharing the story of her loss and helping other parents prevent the same thing from happening to their children.

“SIDS is not what the media portrays it be,” she says over email. “They (media) give you this impression that if you co-sleep, put baby on belly, bottle-feed, or put a blanket on your baby, then SIDS can happen and that you shouldn’t do those things.” But though these things can be risk factors for SIDS, they are also risk factors for suffocation. “Those are all wonderful things NOT to do to reduce suffocation risks,” Hillary says. “Those are all safe-sleep practices that reduce the risk of suffocation, not SIDS.”

“Many people think that SIDS and suffocation are the same thing, but they are not. … That is additional heartbreak for parents that have lost babies of SIDS.”

Liam’s story

Jayden and Liam
Liam (left) and Jayden

Hillary gave birth to Liam on Monday, April 9, 2007. He came out wailing, with a head full of dark hair. Even though he was born at 36 weeks, he weighed a healthy 7 pounds 11.5 ounces and was 20 inches long. His APGAR scores were 9 and 9, and he was able to come home from the hospital just two days later.

At the time, the family was living in a small apartment in Oriskany Falls, N.Y. “We loved our apartment,” Hillary says. “It was cozy and perfect for us, and it helped that my mom lived in the same apartment building, just two doors down from me, so she was able to come visit Liam and his big brother Jayden anytime she wanted.

“Liam had a well-baby check up on Monday, May 14. He weighed 10 pounds 14 ounces, and was checked over head to toe.The doctor smiled and told me I was lucky to have two beautiful, healthy sons. Just three days later, my whole world crumbled around me.”

Hillary woke up about 5:30 a.m. on May 17. It was about time for Liam to nurse, as he usually ate every four hours. But instead of cuddling with her baby, Hillary found her baby lifeless. “My heart broke that day, and it remains broken today,” she wrote in a memorial to Liam for the CJ Foundation.

Since there is no clear cause of SIDS, there is an added tremendous guilt for parents who have lost a child to SIDS.”While we can be told all day long that our babies were healthy, there was nothing we could have done — as a mother, you always want to protect your child, and you would always give your last breath to save theirs,” Hillary says. She wants parents to know the truth about SIDS: “It doesn’t discriminate. It’s spontaneous and random.”

Reflecting back to that Sunday evening, I can say that I am a little more nervous, and I now unfortunately let the thoughts of what could have happened take control of my everyday thoughts. To that, Hillary adds something very important. She doesn’t think that parents should live in fear of the disease and the possibility that it can can happen. Instead, she says, “enjoy every moment with your kids, be patient and loving, and live in the moment with them.”

For more information on SIDS, visit the American SIDS Institute, SIDS America or Safe to Sleep.  

Share your experiences with SIDS in the comments.

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Natasha Brown
Natasha Brown never saw herself as a stay-at-home mom, and definitely would not be described by anyone in her inner circle as being a crunchy mom. After ten years of working for other people, she decided it was time to back away from the workforce and spread her “crunchy mama” spirit around. Now she is proudly a baby wearing, meal-planning, cloth diapering, EBF’ing, homeschooling mama who spends her spare time DIY’ing everything in their home running her local children’s art studio. And when she is not is not busy being supermom and an awesome wife you can find her on the couch getting some much needed sleep.

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