Though we have those moments when you’re truly proud of your child, there are still a lot of times when they are capable of embarrassing you.
When you become a parent, the urge to embarrass your kid is born right along with that gorgeous little baby. And in this age of oversharing, it’s not too long before you’re posting a pic of your child’s blowout or spaghetti face or naked somersault. It just goes with the parental territory! And when the adorable toddler becomes an awkward teenager, the embarrassment becomes all the more mortifying for your kid. I remember when my dad was picking up my sister from cheerleading practice. He drove his 1975 Wagoneer onto the SIDEWALK of the gym at the high school, almost wiping out the entire CVHS defensive line in the process. Making matters worse, he leaned on the horn and yelled, “KRISSY! WHERE’S KRISSY CANTELUPE??!!” I thought my sister was going to die. Or kill him.
But sometimes in the beginning, the shoe is on the other foot. Lucy embarrasses me in public so much, it can be equal parts hilarious and mortifying. Of course most of these incidents occur in my bastion of retail therapy: Target. When we first moved to Austin, I spent a lot of time in Target getting things for our new house. On this particular day, Lucy hadn’t taken her nap yet and started her freak-out as soon as we went past the dollar bins without stopping. As I sashayed past the toy aisle, she started screaming, “I want my daddy! You’re not my mommy!” I got some stares. She got worse as I tried to stuff new bathmats in the cart. “Where’s my mommy?! I want my daddy!” followed by piercing screams. Luckily for me, most people in Target during the day are parents themselves and know full-well that the child screaming in my cart is in fact my actual child. If this had happened in the evening or on the weekend, I’m pretty sure somebody would have called the police.
A more hilarious story involving Target was when I went to buy a new sports bra. As we passed through the lingerie section, Lucy said {rather loudly} “Look, Mommy, NEW BOOBS! You could get some new boobs, Mommy!” And she proceeded to put one of the larger bras on her head. I wish I had a photo.
Finally, nothing makes a mama more humiliated than the non-stop screaming-crying-yelling-demanding while you’re just trying to grocery shop. And that is inevitably when you’re pushing a cart that has sticky wheels and no turning radius. Next thing you know, you’re standing in the middle of a pile of apples that you knocked over with the cart while your kid is screaming her balloon is gone. Those are the times when I’m grateful that Central Market has single beers for sale that you can chug at the playground.
When did your kid last embarrass you?
