It’s tough to listen to a crying baby and being a parent can be frustrating, no doubt; especially when you have a newborn… sleepless nights, insistent crying, constant diaper changes, and the inability to know what’s “wrong”. Patience truly is so important to parenting, regardless of the age. Wesley and I say all the time that listening to a crying baby should be used as a torture tactic in the military.
I’m reminded of the lack of impatience some parents possess in dealing with newborns when I come across news stories like this. {See link below…or scary mug shot}
Brief synopsis: Father has a hangover and gets frustrated when his 5 week old daughter won’t stop crying. He admits to holding the child and squeezing her neck too tightly from the back while in a fit of frustration. His daughter dies as a result of his actions.
I’m sure this father didn’t want to murder his child, just as many parents don’t when they end up “losing it” with a newborn. Regardless, his daughter is dead as a result of his actions.
In case you didn’t get the memo, I’m about to have a newborn in my life again. I can honestly say that I would never harm my child. There were certainly a few nights with Lincoln where I thought I was going to lose my marbles, but it’s in those moments that I think I actually parent better. As soon as I realize I’m losing sight of my purpose on this Earth, I rise to the occasion and become an even better parent than I am under stress-free conditions.
I’ve heard too many stories similar to the above where a child is seriously injured, or worse, dead due to negligence of a caregiver or parent losing their cool when unable to calm a child; so I know, this isn’t uncommon. Even though I know I’m a pretty damn good parent, I wanted to write out a couple of things to remember with crying babies…maybe it will help you…maybe it’s only reinforcement for me. Either way, I can’t tell you why your baby is crying but I’m sure you can find some useful tips from Google. I can only tell you what’s worked for me in dealing with my actual emotions with a crying baby.
- Your baby will not cry to death: Just remember that while it may be frustrating to NOT know what’s wrong, it’s okay if your baby cries. Try to determine what’s causing the tears, but don’t feel like you need to get it figured out in under 1 minute. Your child isn’t going to die from crying too much so just do your best to ATTEMPT to feel “care-free” in determining what’s wrong.
- What if I can’t fix the tears?: Be okay with the fact that you may not be able to figure out what is wrong…there may in fact be NOTHING wrong. Every baby is different and some just cry more than others. I used to nanny for a little boy that cried a lot…the mom and I never knew if it was due to thrush or indigestion, but I became okay with the fact that I couldn’t necessarily fix the problem. Go outside for some fresh air with the baby…be okay in the fact that your neighbors might be annoyed. Annoyed neighbors is better than life in prison.
- Are you starting to feel like you’re “losing it”?: Walk out of the room. Walk out of the house. Take a breather for 5 minutes and refer back to the first bullet point. You’re baby will not cry to death! Walking out of the room will actually make you feel like a WORSE parent and you will walk back in to the room with the crying baby feeling re-energized and ready to conquer the tears.
- Call a parent, sibling, best friend, etc.: Just calling someone and telling them that you think you’re about to “lose it”, will again, make you feel re-energized. There’s nothing worse than hearing on the other end of the phone at 2 am, “do you need me to come over?” and yet somehow there’s nothing better. If you’re like me, you will think to yourself, I’ll be damned if I can’t control my own emotions at 2 am. Again, you’ll be more ready than ever to conquer those tears.
- Call a parent, sibling, best friend, etc.: This may be redundant to the above, but when all else fails, take your saving grace up on their offer and have them come over immediately. If you are starting to see red, step away from the child, and let someone step in to help. That’s what friends and family are for…and I promise, if they care about you they won’t mind coming to the rescue regardless of the time of day. You may have calmed down by the time help arrives, but it’s nice to have someone listen to your own tears in such a moment.
Maybe nobody will find today’s blog useful, but I know that I can’t be alone in having moments where I really think I’m about to lose my mind over a crying baby. Maybe you have some better tips that have worked for you at 2 am.
What are they? Please share with all us new moms, soon to be moms, or even moms like me who are about to have a new baby in the house and a sleeping toddler a few feet away.
