The Third Kid: Lessons Learned While Sleep Deprived

ThirdChildLessonsI heard someone say recently that motherhood makes for the longest days but the shortest years. With a six-week-old, a 2 ½-year-old, and a 4 ½-going-on-12-year-old I am painfully acutely aware of the long days part of this proposed sentiment. Suffice it to say I’ve gotten to see my fair share of both the beautiful full moon and a handful of television’s best series courtesy of Netflix (how can I be expected to fall back asleep when Walter White may or may not be in life-threatening peril?!), and as you might imagine my days are lacking the baby-book wisdom of “sleep when they sleep”. Even when my preschoolers are blissfully untethered from me during their few-days-a-week school time, I could no more Sleep When Baby Sleeps than I could run a marathon on Mars. Who would wash the 8 loads of laundry (insert the incredulous “How can something so small require so much laundry?!” statement, here)? Who would clean the toys, light switches, iPad, remote controls, and various other non porous surfaces to try to keep the invisible germs causing the snotty-nosed 2-year-old with a nagging cough from infecting said newborn? Who would vacuum up the breakfast crumbs, feed the nearly forgotten dogs, or cut out those blasted Box Tops? The point is, with the second, third, etc. child there is no room for Sleep When Baby Sleeps; it’s about survival, my friends.

I stick to my claim that the transition from No Kids to One Kid is the biggest transition of them all. Even when you’re used to waking up early for work, before kids there is always the gloriously unfettered weekends to look forward to catching up  on sleep. Before kids, decisions about extracurricular activities are made based on an agreed upon desire – there is little more to worry about than location, price, or convenience.  Kid-free life to Family life is an Adjustment with a capital A. Once you have Kid One under your belt, or, more aptly, under your feet, the second, while still a change, seems to flow more easily. There are no misconceptions about the too-few hours of sleep, nor the planning involved for a simple date night (when and if they even happen). Your heart doesn’t hammer quite as hard in your chest with their first fever and you have your experience to calm your fears that the up-all-night stage will last for-e-ver.

Then there’s the adjustment to Three, but, again, this falls below the First Child Adjustment. For me, there is so much less worry about every. little. thing; there is a greater ability to just enjoy having a baby. Yet, with the third there is the factor of having Double Kid Duty on top of the Infant Care. There are more “Big Kid” things to manage, also, where as when I had my first two it was really like having two babies. Now I have a soon-to-be kindergartner with Show-and-Tell every Friday and Library Bag return on Wednesdays. I have two preschoolers for whom to make a lunch and remember who needs a water bottle for snack, who needs to bring their nap mat and who leaves it at school, who brings their folder home daily and who brings it home only on Fridays…. You get the idea; My life is ne’er idle.

At then end of the day there are three things I have Most Learned in this first sleep deprived 6 weeks as a Mom of Three. I hope that if you’re readying your life for three, or if you’re already in the throes, that you might find solace in these as well:

  1. Parenting Pinterest Posts are Lies. Okay, okay, perhaps they aren’t lying… Maybe, like, exaggerating? Or maybe they are really just in a Parenting League of their own, which isn’t altogether impossible, just improbable since no mom I know is able to rock it the way some of these mamas claim to (and I know some Fabulous Mommies). From birthday parties to beat the band, to make-your-own play dough and soap and everything in between, to home school lesson plans that put Annie Sullivan to shame, I find myself wondering if I am the only mom in America that doesn’t have time (or the desire, for that matter) to hand-stitch Busy Books while making bread from scratch and hand-painting a chevron mural on our playroom wall. Heck, I am lucky to get my kids fed and kept in a state generally agreed to be un-slovenly each day. Here’s the deal, though: My kids are loved. My kids are esteemed and respected. And while my kids will never rarely find me creating a thematic unit of brilliant ideas based on whatever Adorable Kid Book is trending right now, they will find me encouraging, doting, and generally loving them. And that’s good enough for me.
  2. Tomorrow is a New Day. There are days that I wake up and decide that today is The Day. I am going to be Patient. I am going to be Kind. I am not going to Roll My Eyes and I am not going to get Frustrated. I will have my quiet time, I will clean up as I go, I will finish that Parenting Book sitting on my bedside table. I will get that pile of laundry folded (finally), and I will get that growth chart board made (after I find it somewhere in the garage and dust it off). And then I look up and it’s 10:00 – surely my clock is wrong? I could have sworn it was at least 1:30 – and I’ve managed to do, or not do, everything I just knew I would/would not do. And I sigh and I think I’m a moderate to severe failure and that my kids will end up in some sort of Support Group later in life because I just. can’t. seem. to. get. it. together. And then I realize, like Alexander, in that book that feels a lot like my life, that there are terrible, horrible, no good very bad days, even in Australia. I cut myself some slack because I realize that even Mother Teresa wasn’t at her best with 4 hours of sleep and that few people wouldn’t feel a little weepy after refereeing the 17th argument over who gets the Current Favorite Toy while rocking a baby that seems to do little but wail. I will do my best, and hey, there’s always tomorrow.
  3. This Too Shall Pass: My infant will sleep through the night. Some day. My two-year-old will have the desire to use a potty. Some day. My four-year-old will be able to dress all of her own Barbies (every 3 minutes). Some day. Right now, though, I am very, very needed, and I have to embrace that because I know that one day the child I can’t get to sleep past 7 am will want to sleep until 2 pm. The little girl who asks me to play even after we’ve played for hours, will soon rather play with friends or by herself. The baby that eats every three hours, each time requiring my full attention, will one day feed himself. There are long days. LOOOOONG days. But they will pass, just like that saying goes: they will all seem like such short years, even during these seemingly unending days. You can make it. You can do it. Because soon it will be gone.

So, yes, I am tired. Yes, I could use some Me time. Yes, there are days I fail, epically. But I am my kids’ ONLY Mommy and even though I don’t always (or even usually) do it well, I have the awesome opportunity to LOVE three beautiful children. And I will.

Maggie
Although not a native Texan, Maggie has enjoyed getting to know the city of San Antonio with her husband, a native to San Antonio. If she were a bumper sticker type of person (which she vehemently is not) she might have one of those “I didn’t grow up in Texas, but I got here as soon a I could” stickers. Maggie enjoys staying home with her children and loves the daily calamity that is raising her son (born 2011) and daughter (born 2009) in Boerne. She would always chose outdoor activities over indoor, sweatpants over dresses, crafting over TV, and cupcakes over… anything. It feels like her life has been full of “learning experiences”, and Maggie loves to share about having a micro-preemie in the NICU, her experiences as an adoptee and a heart patient, and about her family’s experiences with adopting a child on her blog Mondays with Maggie. Life is an adventure and she’s thankful to have the perfect amount of OCD and ADHD to keep up (most days).

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  3. Hi Maggie! I was missing reading your blog and looked it up again…and I’m so glad I did! This was so well-written and helpful. We are actually talking about a 3rd child, but my life already sounds a lot like yours! For myself and my therapy clients, I always talk about having “good mommy days” and “bad mommy days.” I just congratulate myself on the good ones and try to give myself a little slack on the bad ones, because we all have them! By the way, congratulations on the new baby! I saw the beautiful announcement. Keep up all of your helpful and thoughtful writing!

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    • Thanks Gena! You’re the best… Hope my experience can help with future nieces and nephews!!! Or all nieces, if my predictions for Chris are correct! 😉

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  6. Love you Mags!! I love reading your words of wisdom 🙂 I think your doing a great job being a momma of 3! Keep the helpful advise coming….

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